


Life is But a Dream

by bec2224



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Gen, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-19
Updated: 2013-08-19
Packaged: 2017-12-24 00:19:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/932820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bec2224/pseuds/bec2224
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If I wrote the show this is how it would have ended.  Total Crackfic!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life is But a Dream

Michael woke slowly; as he opened his eyes he looked around the room and realized he was in his old room at his mother's house.

"What the hell, how did I get here?"

Climbing out of bed he noticed odd aches and pains he hadn't had yesterday. He noticed he was wearing an old Captain Astro t-shirt and a wrinkled pair of boxers. Standing he moved to the door, making his way down the hall he took the stairs slowly, scratching his ass he turned to spy his mother and some man sitting at the table, he noticed right away it wasn't Carl. As he left the steps he recognized the other person.

"Uncle VIC!" Michael screamed. This couldn't be happening, no way.

Vic jumped and turned towards his nephew with a smile. "Well there's sleepy head, we were wondering if you were getting up today?"

"Jesus Michael stop screaming." Debbie Novotney screamed at her son. "You scared the shit out of me."

"But...it's...but you...you're dead!" Michael said pointing at the older man; he could barely get the words out.

Vic laughed, "Hell I'm old, but I ain't dead yet."

As Michael moved to the table his mother reached out and whacked him hard on the left side of his head. "Owwwww...What the hell was that for?"

"I can't believe you said that, how could you Michael?" Debbie screamed. "After everything he's been through, the meds running him down, the pneumonia, fevers, diarrhea, shit how could you say that!"

"Did you have to hit me so hard?" Michael whined.

"You ever say anything like that again and I'll do more than hit you." Debbie snapped at him.

"Damn that must have been some night you boys had if you dreamed I was dead." Vic laughed again.

"What night?" Michael said as sat at the table, placing his head in his hands he rubbed his face briskly. "I wasn't out last night, Ben and I stayed in and watched a movie...and how the hell did I end up here?"

Debbie and Vic almost broke their necks staring at each other. 

"You stayed in with Ben?" Vic questioned him, "Ben who?"

Michael snapped his head up, "what the hell do you mean Ben who? Ben Bruckner, my husband."

"Michael what did you take last night?" Debbie said as she sat next to her son, raising her hand she checked to see if he had a fever.

Pushing her hands out of the way he snapped, "I didn't take nothing ma. I told you I stayed home with..."

"Ben...Ben Bruckner...your husband." Vic said with a frown. 

"Yeah, Ben Bruckner, you know my husband, what the hells the matter with you two?" Michael said clearly irritated.

"What the hells the matter with you? Debbie screamed. "Honey, Ben Bruckner isn't your husband."

"The hell he's not..." Michael started.

"No, he's Emmett Honeycutt's husband, they've been married for close to ten years now." Vic told him gently, he didn't know what was wrong with his nephew but he was starting to worry.

"Michael don't you remember, you and Teddy stood up for him and Ben, they had a huge wedding at the GLC, Brian paid for it." Debbie told him. She turned to eye her brother; her look clearly said 'what the fuck'.

"Brian pays for everything." Vic laughed. "Well he used to anyway, back then."

Michael sat up straighter at the mention of the other man's name. "What the hell do you mean he used to, what's wrong with Brian, did he lose his job again?"

Vic looked at Debbie raised his eyebrows and turned back towards Michael. "Well no, got his self a better one. Opened up his own west coast branch of Kinnetic's when he and his husband moved to LA a few years back, remember."

"HIS HUSBAND!!!" Michael screamed and jumped up, knocking the chair over. "No, no there is no fucking way! You two may think this is funny but it's not. Brian Fucking Kinney would never get married."

"What the hell are you talking about Brian was the first of my boys to tie the knot, remember. He married Justin back in 2005. What the fuck is the matter with you Michael?" Debbie screamed as she moved towards her son, taking a moment to pick up the chair.

"Justin?!!" Michael screamed. "There is no fucking way Brian Fucking Kinney married Justin Taylor...no fucking way."

"Jesus Christ Michael, snap the fuck out of it, I thought you were over all this jealousy shit. You know damn well it was love at first sight for those two. Two months after Justin graduated college they got married at Babylon." Debbie told her son.

"But...But..." Michael couldn't understand what she was telling him. Wait...'back in 2005'... "Ma...what year is it?"

"What the fuck is the matter with you Michael?" It's 2017, what year do you think it is?" Debbie said aghast, she couldn't stop staring at her son.

"2017...but...but that means...I'm...41." Michael said.

"Yeah, you're 41, so what?" Vic said, "I'm almost 70, beat that."

"But, if I didn't marry Ben, then who did I marry?" Michael asks quietly.

Again the two older folks just turned and looked at each other for a few moments.

"Don't look at me," Vic said, "I ain't his dad, you tell em."

"Well, honey, after you and Ethan broke up, well after Teddy stole him from you, well you and Ted didn't talk for quite awhile, but then when Ethan ran off with that jerk Phillip from the GLC well you and Ted finally worked out your differences. But since then, what was it 2006 I think; well you really haven't had a serious boyfriend, a lot of non-serious ones, but no one special."

"ETHAN...Ethan Fucking Gold!" Michael screeched.

"Yeah, that was your Ethan." Debbie shook her head sadly. "Ethan was such a sweet fellow, I always liked him."

"I went with Ethan Gold...I fucked one of Justin's leftovers." Michael's voice screeched even louder.

"What!! NO! Honey you have to calm down. Justin never went with Ethan. Hell, he never even fooled around with anyone else, just Brian. Hell, those two don't even realize there are other men in the world half the time." Debbie said with a tear in her eye.

"But what about...I always thought that it would be Brian and..."

"Get over yourself Michael, after you tried breaking Brian and Justin up all those times there is no way Brian would ever trust you again." Vic snarled. "We tried to warn you, but you wouldn't listen."

Michael couldn't believe this, was it all a dream? Wait, what about...

"But what about Jenny Rebecca?" Michael said, tears started up in his eyes.

"Jenny Rebecca, who the fuck is Jenny Rebecca?" Debbie asks.

"My daughter, the one Mel gave birth too?" Michael cried.

"Mel who?" Vic questioned.

"You don't mean Melanie Marcus do you, that cold fucking bitch, the woman that Lindsay was with when she had Gus?" Debbie crossed herself and turned her head and spit.

Vic laughed, "Hell, she never gave birth to anything; nothing would ever grow in that cold frigid body of hers. Hell after Lindsey threw her ass out we never saw her again. Well, there was that time in court after she tried to run Brian over but we barely saw her as they dragged her ass off to the slammer."

Michael couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Is Brian Gus's father?"

"Hell yeah, those two are like two peas in a pod, he looks just like his old man," Debbie said with a smile. "He spends every summer and holiday out there in Sunny LA with his dads."

"He's one hell of a good kid; let me tell you, we're all proud of Gus. And of Holly Marie too." Vic said with a smile.

"Who the fuck is Holly Marie?" Michael asks confused even more now.

"You don't remember our cute little adorable Button?" Debbie's voice was filled with disbelief.

"No I don't, who the fuck is Button?" Michael hysterically said. 

"She's Brian and Justin daughter," Vic told him. "And well I guess Daphne's too but she's not in on the day to day raising of her. She's seven now, well seven and a half if you ask her."

Michael plopped down into the vacant chair again. "I can't believe this. This is a dream, it's got to be a dream...no a nightmare, this is a fucking nightmare and I'm gonna wake up any minute."

WHACK!!!

"Owww, what'd you do that for?" Michael cried out.

"Because this isn't a fucking dream this is your life." Debbie screeched. "You're forty-one fucking years old. You never fucked Brian, nor did you fuck Ben. You still live with your mother and you work at the Big Q so get over it."

"I'm still a manager at the Big Q; I don't own my own comic book shop?" Michael said his voice filled with sadness.

"Manager...well no not yet, no you work in Health and Beauty, like I said you're not manager yet but maybe in another five or six years you might make Assistant Manager." Debbie said with a smile. "And you left all that comic book shit behind you years ago."

"Deb maybe you aught to call the doctor." Vic said as he eyed his nephew.

"Yeah I think you're right Vic." Debbie said as she moved towards the telephone.

Michael was crying as he dropped his head to the table top. "I'm gonna go back to bed, and when I wake up this will all have been a bad dream."

Michael got up and headed towards the stairs again.

"Good luck with that." Vic said, "Let me know how that turns out."

The end.


End file.
